When a child is born.

Right now, the most exciting thing about this blog, is that I have shared it with no one. For a few more weeks, I have complete autonomy, as if it was my own journal. Admittedly it's vulnerable to the google search engine, but somehow I don't think there are people randomly wondering if I have a new blog, when I've used my old one for years.
Because of this pseudo-anonymity, I can say it here. I'm going to have a baby. How cool is that? How weird is that?


It's awesome. And terrifying. I'm early on enough to where I feel embarrassed telling people, because anyone we've told so far has an opinion on how long you "should" wait before sharing your news.

But I believe life begins at conception. And if I believe that, why should I not tell people at 6, 7, or 8 weeks as we have? Because the life is physically not very big, I shouldn't share that it exists? How absurd. I know, I know; the risk of miscarriage is high in this first trimester. But my baby is still my baby, whether it's a centimeter or a foot long. (Yes, in re-reading that I realize it sounds like I'm talking about a sub sandwich.)

I'm naturally a very private person. But it's hard to hold in news like this! At the same time, I live in constant dread of people sharing their birth horror stories. And they do. And the unsolicited advice pours in. So far the only people who have asked to touch my tummy are my 3 and 4 year old nieces; they've also talked to the baby, even though I told them it didn't have ears at the time... I don't like people looking at me differently once they find out, but let's be realistic; most the time I'm so nauseated that I don't care what people are doing. (Side note though: why DO people look at pregnant women like they're a freak of nature? Last I checked it's *kinda* a normal thing... Also, why do people think they should tell you when you should share your news? how is that remotely their decision?)

This is the strangest experience I've ever had. And in some ways that's one of the reasons I don't want to wait until the standard twelve or fifteen weeks to tell people. I'm going through so many things at once, and do I just keep it secret from people that I'm sick all the time and unspeakably exhausted? On Sundays do I just keep saying "I'm fine, nothing new going on with us", when in reality, EVERYTHING is new to us right now? It's such personal news but it's such BIG news! A new person exists. There is a soul on this earth that was not here two months ago. Our lives are changed forever, no matter what happens next.

There is so much to learn. Seasoned mothers that I've told ask me questions about testing and it's overwhelming because half the time I have no idea what they're talking about. I've given up pretending that I have a clue; most of the time I just say "I haven't actually read up on that yet, but it's on my list!"

I'm completely overwhelmed. Today I finally sat down with a cup of tea (The first time in weeks that hot tea has sounded appealing again!) and started reading a book on the whole thing, and that was helpful.
I want to record things about this experience because I'm sure I will forget them quickly. So, here's the update for weeks 1-8.

Nausea: Prevalent. NOT morning only; all day off and on, usually on.
Emotions: A crazy wooden roller coaster of steep wacko emotions. Up and down, all around. INSANE and out of control at times. Never had anything like it before. My husband is a saint.
Sore, and ridiculously tired. Tired is the biggest understatement of the century.
Low blood pressure, passed out once already. Fun times!
Motion sickness is also a major problem right now.

This is not a pregnancy blog. Pregnancy just happens to be part of my life right now and so there will be some posts about it. So sorry if that's not your thing and you've stumbled here!