I come on here every so often to jot down thoughts that I'm sure are groundbreaking, mind blowing, and so deep that people will be stunned.
I know what you're thinking! "there's nothing groundbreaking here...there never is!"
That's true. I don't disagree.
I write them on a draft, let them marinate, and come back a month or so later.
That's when I realize they aren't groundbreaking, they wouldn't astonish people's minds, and sometimes they are even quite shallow. Therefore, I let them sit and hope that someday I can change them enough to be an acceptably okay-ish post.

I currently have more than ten drafts of half written posts that I decided were too terrible to see the light of day, but had too much time invested in to delete.

Today, I realized that my most "recent" post was from LAST FEBRUARY. Like, of last year. As in, more than eighteen months ago. And the best part is that it was during Clason's miserable sleep regression and I talked about going crazy, then never updated it. People who are interested enough to look can go and check it out, see the date, and think, "Oh, she literally did go crazy and never came back. She's wandering around on the moors somewhere hearing voices in her head and hoping for solutions. This was her last post EVER."

While parts of that may be accurate, not all of it is. I didn't go completely crazy, and I didn't leave all I have known to recover. Clason eventually went back to sleeping through the night, after some intense sleep training that lasted all of...a week. Maybe two. When he hit six months we decided enough was enough, he was getting his own room, and then we did the whole "cry it out in small doses while we comfort you as much as possible in increasing increments" method.

Turns out it was effective. It also turns out that babies go through multiple sleep regressions, and even once they are toddlers (which mine is now, because that's how long ago I posted), they still wake you up consistently at night. And this is coming from the mom of a pretty good sleeper. (Also, don't you love that that's one of the biggest descriptors of a baby? "Is he a good sleeper???" if you say yes, you get nods and smiles and people secretly think you have it easy. Cause having a newborn isn't difficult at ALL if they sleep for three hours at a time.)

Anyways. I just wanted to put up a brief update that was not about me being crazy. (Or is it...?)

One day soon, maybe even this calendar year, I will complete a post and throw it into my drafts, let it steep, then decide it's good enough to see the light of day. I may even put up a terrible one, because, I can. Mostly, I'm just popping in to say that this blog is a dormant volcano, and you never know when it will explode with activity, posts, and remarkable mediocrity.


See you again at an undisclosed date in the possibly near future.

I'm going crazy.
Like, I cried because my hair was tangled kind of crazy. Then the next day I had it chopped off.
So that's where I'm at.

The reason?
My sweet, cheerful baby who used to sleep 9-10 hours straight per night, has now decided that sleeping is overrated. So is eating at the right time. So is entertaining himself for more than sixty-five seconds without a weepy breakdown.
Apparently, this is a four month development thing. But, lucky parents everywhere know that it's not just a sleep regression. It's weeks of misery, and sleep is not the only thing that changes. Sometimes he wants to eat more, sometimes less, sometimes he's too distracted for you to know which it is. They get clingy, then don't take long naps, so you're basically desperate for either of you to sleep.
The best part is that he waited until Danny had to be up for the day between 3 and 5am before he decided to quit sleeping.
I've read an insane number of blogs and sites talking about this four month sleep regression. Some of them offer good advice, and an overview of how it will likely go. We are at 19 weeks, so that means normally it will peak about now. Which is good, since I was up for more than three hours over the course of last night. What's annoying is that a lot of the sites that talk about it are just pitching a product or service. (i.e., you MUST buy this sleep-sack or sleep-suit or whatever. And you MUST hire me as a sleep consultant to help you)
Of all the advice I've read, the main thing people recommend on each and every one is putting your baby to bed early, because a well rested baby will sleep more. So, we've been doing that, and praying that it will help. At this point I haven't noticed a difference, but I can dream, can't I? Oh wait, can't dream if you're not sleeping.
When your baby is a newborn, you're in the zone of waking up every couple hours. But the plus is that newborns typically sleep a lot during the day, so you can at least be guaranteed a couple naps for yourself. Not so at this stage in the game!
I swear the actual key to "surviving the 4 month sleep regression" is just reading a bunch of advice for a month until it passes on it's own.

Therefore, my house has hit a new low in tidiness. My husband came home and was impressed at just how much dirty laundry I could pile up in the bin without it spilling over. Yep, these are the skills I'm cultivating this week.


Anyway, the last few weeks have been rough, but this is what I signed up for. Even in the thick of it, under lots of stress, uncertainty, and change, I'm reminded of all the good things God has done for us. We are so blessed. And that's what I'm telling myself in the middle of every night, when I'm up for longer than I was when he was a newborn. Hopefully this is just a brief season.
Tonight is the night we are implementing some major sleep training. I'll update with a new post when it's successful!

People ask you a lot of questions when you're pregnant. Waaaaaay too many questions. One of those will inevitably be about where you're planning on delivering the baby. Generally people are expecting the answer to be a specific hospital, and it can get a little awkward if your answer is "at home!" I managed to silence an entire group of women when that was my answer at a baby shower... I mean, after all, you might as well give birth in a cave.
Anyway, here are my personal reasons for choosing a home birth rather than a hospital. This isn't my way of trying to convince anyone else to switch to home birth; it's simply the reasoning behind my choice. Today, the first thing the pediatrician asked me was where my baby was born. The second question was "why?". I was really glad that I had made an informed decision at that point. Don't simply default to doing what you think should be done. It's your choice. You can research and figure out what will be best for your family.


1. Pregnancy and delivery are not a sickness.
Low risk pregnancies don't require the care that a hospital is designed for. Hospitals are there to treat illness and prevent illness. A newborn baby is not an illness! The common medical treatments that a newborn requires are able to be taken care of by a competent licensed midwife.
Let me be clear-- I am SO THANKFUL that we have hospitals! And I wouldn't have chosen a homebirth if we had not had the security of a hospital very close to our home. But hospitals are not always a necessity to have a baby without complications.


2. Your risk of c-section skyrockets to 30% when you go to a hospital for your labor.
It's what's commonly called the cascade of interventions. You go into labor and head to the hospital. Your labor isn't progressing fast enough so you're given pitocin (the synthetic version of oxytocin, which is the hormone that causes you to go into labor and have contractions). Pitocin causes contractions that are too strong for you to handle, so you choose an epidural. The epidural can slow down the labor too much, and the risk of infection (after your water breaks) goes up. Suddenly a cesarean is suggested. Or, because of continuous electronic fetal monitoring, which some hospitals require, there's belief that the baby is in distress, and a cesarean is deemed necessary.
Obviously in some cases, a C-section is a necessary and beautiful thing! But, in many cases, it's simply about convenience, or a misreading of technology.

Also, the conspiracy theorist in me would like to point out that C-sections take up much less of your doctor's time and effort, and make more money for the hospital. I find myself wondering how many of the non-medically necessary c-sections in the US are simply due to the convenience of the medical staff.

3. Your baby is already acclimated to the germs in your home.
Why would I want my child to be born in an environment where strange diseases that we have no natural immunity to abound? Where there is a risk of MRSA and other staph infections that would not be found in your own home? Your baby has built up natural antibodies to the environment you are in; the hospital is a brand new place with a host of foreign germs that neither of you are immune to.

4. Hospital protocols may not align with your wishes.
Common protocols for birth in hospitals are much more involved than you might think. Some require constant monitoring, which means you can't move around much during labor. Some don't ask you before taking your baby away to bathe him (using baby washes that have some undesirable chemicals), or even ask before administering immunizations. Right after you've given birth isn't really the most convenient time to be trying to keep track of everything that they automatically do. My experience with my midwife meant that before the baby was born, every single thing that would be done or not done was clearly laid out. She and her assistants knew what I wanted in advance and we didn't have to try to hash anything out on the spot. With a large medical staff in a hospital rotating in and out, your wishes get lost in the shuffle much easier... and then if you want anything other than standard, you become *that* annoying patient who thinks they know better than a doctor. My midwife constantly encouraged me to research and have reasons for my choices, and then was very supportive of the decisions we made, because she knew us and our logic behind things.

5. All the comforts of home can only be found....at home.
I am a homebody, and I knew my labor would be smoother if I was more relaxed, which was not going to happen in a foreign environment. In fact, I didn't even go into labor until I was totally alone. When someone would come around in the first twenty hours, my contractions would slow down, then when I was alone again they started back up. I'm fairly certain a hospital would have caused a much longer labor because I'm wired that way. Being able to labor at home and not have to rush off anywhere was *amazing*. Two hours after my baby was born, I was settled on the couch downstairs with everything I wanted or needed right there. Including my own familiar bathroom, which, after giving birth, was a major necessity. There was no need to go from a triage room before birth, to a delivery room for birth, wait for a recovery room after birth, etc.... I didn't have to get in a car a day after delivery to go home, and I didn't have to put my brand-spankin-new baby into a cold carseat, or deal with hospital discharge protocols.

6. I wanted the one-on-one care that I could get with a midwife.
I saw her every month, then more frequently in the third trimester. It's awesome to see the same person every time, in a comfortable home environment. Also, I was able to meet her student who would also be at my birth. She answered tons of questions, and her input on decisions was valuable but never pushy. By the time I had my baby, she knew me and I knew her, and more importantly, had learned enough about her to know I could trust her completely. We were continually blown away by how knowledgeable she was. She came to our home one day and three days after he was born, and took care of all the monitoring and checking up that needed to be done. I called and texted pictures if I had a question, and never once did I feel like I was bothering her or taking up her time unnecessarily. Currently we have an awesome pediatrician, but I don't feel comfortable texting a picture of my kid's random rash to him. You're supposed to deal with whoever is on call. It totally makes sense to me, but I do miss the ease of my husband reminding me to simply "Call Ann!"

7. A good midwife is medically competent and equipped to help bring a baby into the world.
I'm not advocating giving birth far from civilization, by yourself, and calling it simply natural. That's stupid. Stupid and reckless. What I am advocating is a safe environment with personal, professional care by someone who knows what to do if there are complications. I wouldn't recommend a midwife that wasn't licensed, nor would I encourage someone to go that route if they had known complications.


So, those were some of my reasons! A home birth is not for everyone.  If you have a high risk pregnancy, you'll want to be in a hospital. Of course, a competent midwife wouldn't allow you to have a home birth if you were high risk.
Also, I would never suggest someone do it if the idea terrifies them. Labor is already a scary unknown to a first time mom; adding further stress won't help their experience go more smoothly. Do what works best for you and your baby!